AngerArrogance Page 11

  While packing her belongings, she realized she would miss being around her new family as well. A low knock drew her attention. “Come in.”

  Devin entered. The sight of her clothes thrown about the bed saddened him. “You’re leaving?” He said it like a question, like it was something new.

  Alana’s heart defied her mind. Devin’s pained expression sent a surge of emotion through her. Not prepared to face him, she took a seat and spoke while fidgeting with her clothes. “Yes. Think of the positive side of things, at least I’ll be out of your hair.”

  Never taking his eyes from hers, he sat on the bed next to her. “I’m sure you know by now that I don’t want you to leave. I know we argue, and I can be a bit difficult at times, but you don’t have to do this.”

  Unable to look directly into his eyes, her voice betrayed her further. “Thank you, but I decided early on that I wasn’t staying. I informed you of my intentions at the beginning of this arrangement.” Taking in his gloomy appearance, she was compelled to say more. “It’s for the best. We’re not made from the stuff husbands and wives are made of. You and I together—we don’t mesh. We’ll never be any good for each other.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t believe that anymore. I’ll admit, I have selfish reasons for not wanting you to leave, but more importantly I’m concerned for your safety.”

  Dropping his gaze, his tone softened, “I’ll miss fighting with you. Who else am I going to trade insults with?”

  She couldn’t be this close to him on her bed. It seemed much more intimate than it used to. She stood. “I willingly admit that I’m terrified. This whole situation is something I was not prepared for and definitely am not ready for. I gave it my best shot, but it’s not working.”

  His eyes bore into hers. “I can change Alana. I can do whatever it takes to not argue or cause trouble between us. I understand your reluctance given that we were shoved into this, but you let me see glimpses of your good qualities. I know that you are not who you pretend to be. Although you may think you’re not ready, you have a lot to offer.”

  Stressed by his words and actions, Alana noticed Devin had stalled his arrogance and replaced it with sincerity and concern. How could she possible explain to him that she didn’t have enough confidence in herself to help him make things work between them? She didn’t know how to share herself with someone on a personal level. She forced her voice to remain calm. “I don’t want you to change anything about yourself.”

  Standing, it only took him a few steps to close the distance between them. His words a gentle whisper now. “Alana look at me.”

  When she did, his eyes held her prisoner.

  He kept his tone slightly above a whisper. “Alana, I don’t care what I have to do. I’ll find a way to prove to you that I love you and want our marriage to work. I realize we argue and fuss, but we can make it work between us if we put forth the effort.”

  Alana was frozen. Had he even realized he had revealed to her that he loved her?

  He took in her petrified posture. “What’s wrong Alana, cat got your tongue?” He didn’t give her a chance to reply. Capturing her lips with tender kisses, he hoped his actions proved that he was a man on a mission to win her heart.

  Holding onto the front of his shirt to steady her body, Alana fought to regain emotional control. The fact that he had said those three sacred words confused her more. She backed away quickly.

  She admired the fight in Devin, but her mind would only let her go so far with him. She had learned her lesson the hard way and clung strongly to the knowledge that any man could change for the worse. She had no intention of going back to the darkest place she had known, even if it meant denying herself love—the one emotion she feared she’d never experience.

  Not venturing to move towards her, Devin’s curiosity flared. “Can I ask me something?”

  “Yes,” came her shaky reply.

  Leaning close to her face, he re-captured her eyes. “Do you feel anything at all for me?”

  He took her silence as his answer. “I’ll leave you to your packing then.”

  As he took the first step towards her door, his arrogance wouldn’t allow him to give up so easily. There was no way she hadn’t shared some of the spark that ignited his senses. He turned back. “Can I call, text or visit you from time to time?”

  She released a relieving breath. “Yes, that will be fine.”

  Liking the enthusiasm in her voice, he replied with a simple. “Thank you.”

  Glancing around her room, he pointed at nothing in particular. “I’ll make sure everything stays put here. I’m sure I’ll find a way to get you back here sooner or later.”

  She only shook her head. His arrogance was astonishing.

  His look grew serious. “I’m going to miss you.”

  Brushing her cheek, his fingers danced delicately along her warm skin. Closing her eyes, she couldn’t deny it; she had developed feelings for him.

  Devin’s passion had never been elevated to such heights. This was a first for him. He cared more about her feelings than his own. Although Alana’s words on the matter were elusive, her actions proved her passion had grown as strong as his. The depth of her emotions shined in her eyes when she stared into his; the longing that seeped from her pores; even the light tremble in her touch spoke to him.

  Screaming and yelling to make her stay wasn’t going to work, so for now, Devin accepted her decision. Maybe time away was all she needed to see how much she was going to miss him.

  Before walking out her door, he announced, “I respect your decision to leave, but you’re going to come back to me and it won’t take long.”

  She could tell he meant every word. His arrogant words no longer made her angry. They had now become another tool in the arsenal he was using to melt her mind.

  Instead of letting himself sink into sorrow, Devin smiled. He had plans for Alana. One day, she would trust and love him as much as he knew he loved her.

  Chapter 20

  Dating

  Alana smiled as the familiar aroma of vanilla permeated the air. The fragrance came from the strategically placed automatic air-fresheners throughout their condo complex. Her old surroundings were a welcomed vision. She had checked in on her condo monthly but it wasn’t the same as being able to stay. She was definitely going to miss her new family, but she was at peace knowing she didn’t have to stress over developing feelings for her husband.

  The wheels of her luggage clicked as they rolled over each square of the pavement. Ronnie, the day-shift guard, waved at her across the parking garage, “Welcome back Alana.”

  She shouted back, “Thanks Ron.” A slight chill in the air reached through the cut-outs of the garage, reminding her it was December in California.

  On the elevator ride, guilt plagued her. She’d left her husband a few weeks before Christmas, fearing she’d change her mind if she stuck around longer.

  Stepping off the elevator, Alana stood in place for a while before she headed toward her door. She had two neighbors, both she rarely saw. Mrs. Landry to the left of her was a retired factory worker turned recluse that only came as far as her front door to collect her mail, groceries and supply delivers. Then there was Ms. Clarke her neighbor to the right. Ms. Clarke was a middle-age airline stewardess who spent most of her time flying.

  Approaching her front door, a beautiful bouquet of multi-colored roses filled Alana's view. The card attached was simple. “I’m never giving up on you. Devin.”

  Unable to keep a smile from her face, she found that her husband was turning into the sweetest person she knew. Still arrogant and cocky, but sweet. She, the flowers and luggage entered her apartment.

  First, she found the perfect spot for the flowers, then she headed to her bedroom to unpack. After only thirty minutes, she went from unpacking, to dusting, to washing clothes. Cleaning like a mad woman was her way of avoiding what was on her mind—Devin. When she couldn’t find anything else to clean, she showered, found a good
book and eventually fell asleep.

  Devin haunted her dreams that night and the following three nights. The fact that he confessed to her that he loved her kept playing over and over in her head. For reasons she had yet to understand, she never got tired of Devin’s mistakenly spoken, “I love you” in her head. The words had now taken on a life of their own, making her see only the good in him. Since taking a leave of absence, she didn’t have ten-hour work days to take her mind off her husband. She found herself missing the verbal boxing matches.

  She received a call or text from Devin daily. Struggling emotionally, she found she wanted more from him. Especially, after he shared some of the very detailed dreams he had been having about her lately.

  Prior to marrying Devin, her apartment had been a lonely-free zone. Now, the pesky emotion was starting to suffocate her. After only a week away from him, she accepted the obvious. She missed her husband and feared she had made a mistake leaving him. Things weren’t the same anymore without Devin in her life.

  ***

  Alana had just relaxed into the cushions of her couch when a knock sounded at her door. Her eyes shot quickly to the small clock on her in-table. 10:07pm.

  Sandra or Laura usually called before they showed up. Grabbing Joey, her metal bat, she tipped-toed to the door. Taking a quick peek, she found her husband staring back at her.

  Immediately, she took in a deep breath to steady herself. “Just a minute,” she called.

  Stopping her steps to retrieve a robe, she reminded herself it was pointless. He had already seen her naked that time he'd came into her room without knocking. Why was she nervous about him seeing her in a tank and shorts? Why am I so nervous? Somehow, she had managed to convince herself that she would never see him again.

  Opening the door, she offered a soft, “Hello.”

  “Hi. I come in peace,” he said, presenting a friendly smile.

  His playful demeanor chipped away a lot of her nervousness. The both stood staring at each other for a paused moment.

  With a smug crooked smile, Devin exclaimed, “I couldn’t fight it anymore. I had to see you in person. Those damn dreams I have been having about you are getting more vivid. I swear, if I have one more dream of your personality, Dominatrix, making me eat your pus…”

  “Shhhh!” she cut off his words. “Why don’t you come in and have a seat?”

  The daring glint in his eyes called to her body with seductive sweeps. Opening and closing her mouth a few times, Alana didn’t know how to react. She hated that he could get her this flustered. He had been candid in telling her the details of his dreams about her over the phone, but it was different with him standing right in front of her.

  Devin was immediately impressed with Alana’s home. Everything was angles and shapes and simple designs. A brilliant array of colors on certain pictures or knickknacks made easily ignored areas like the small dining area pop and gave the place a soft sophisticated look. A huge plush couch was the centerpiece of the living room. The couches golden cashmere material looked comforting and gave the place the final flair it needed to be homey. Complimenting her on her home, he continued to look around. One of the things he'd noticed immediately were the two bouquets of flowers he had sent during the past week.

  Alana interrupted his assessment. “I can give you a tour if you’d like.”

  “I’d like that,” he said. Alana was certain that Devin would have looked around whether she offered or not.

  After a brief once over, she finally lead him towards her bedroom. She was a little uneasy after the dreams she had of them in her bed together—dreams she hadn’t told him about. As she stood at her bedroom door, Devin shuffled past her like he was familiar with the area. Each time he’d observe something in her room he would look back at her with a teasing smile on his face. He sat for a moment bouncing on her bed playfully. As much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself, she enjoyed this side of him.

  Walking to and reaching towards her dresser, he gestured with his hand. “May I?”

  Surprised, she bit into her bottom lip to keep herself from smiling. “No. You most certainly may not.” Did he have any idea he was reaching towards her panties?

  He expressed a look of certainty. “Sooner or later, Alana, I’m going see all of your panties anyway.”

  She’d heard enough. “Okay, the tour is over.”

  Back in the living room, Devin waited until Alana took her seat. Then, he sat so close he may as well have been in her lap. An unsettling quiet filled the room as Alana smiled through the nervous tension he stirred.

  Tilting his head to get a good look at her face, his eyes searched until they found and locked with hers. “I miss you. Home isn’t home anymore without you there. Day in and day out, no Alana, no fighting, no arguing, it’s driving me mad.”

  She wanted to share with him how much she missed him, but she didn’t know how.

  He noticed her struggling with his comments. “You don’t have to say anything. I know you miss me too. I understand why you thought you had to leave. I respect your decision and will give you space and time, but it doesn’t mean I am going to stay away from you.”

  “Thanks for a least trying to understand.” She didn’t know what else to say. She was seriously lacking in the wife department and had trouble understanding why he continued to try with her.

  Devin took her hand, his serious expression kept her in place. “I’m never giving up on you Alana. You do know that, right?”

  Her tone was lively. “Never?”

  Immediately, Devin thought of the night she asked him to never kiss her again and an instant smile floated across his mouth.

  A rare giggle escaped her. “I can’t believe I was the one that started the kiss in the first place. I foolishly thought my being aggressive would scare you away.”

  He kissed the back of her hand. “Was that your plan the entire time? You were trying to keep me away from you?”

  Her eyes were riveted on her hand seated inside his, still tingling where his lips had pressed. He'd asked her a question. “Honestly, yes. I was hoping you would continue to ignore me and the time would slip by without either of us noticing.” Although she'd never admit it and despite what she'd said to him on the matter previously, she couldn't stand seeing him with Amber. She finally had to admit to herself that seeing him with Amber was one of the reasons she was so angry with him.

  “But we did notice each other," he added. "The more you pushed, the more I wanted to be with you. I have never had a woman treat me so badly, ignore me so blatantly and act like I wasn’t this sexy. You had me questioning my charm, my appeal and my ability to make you want me.”

  Curious, she asked, “You don’t feel that way anymore?”

  He squeezed her hand. When she made no attempt to pull her hand back, his lips tilted into a deep smile. “After you kissed me the first time, I knew you’d be all mine.”

  She gave a huff. “But, I’m not all yours.”

  His eyes reflected certainty. “That’s what your mouth is saying, but I know better.” To prove his point, he leaned in and kissed her.

  Her reaction reinforced his arrogant words as she responded to his kiss with quiet passion.

  Realizing she was losing herself, she backed away. “I’m not like the women you date. I don’t know how to give you what you want.”

  Devin found it hard to believe she was so clueless. “You really don’t get it, do you?” Her face reflected her confusion. Holding her eyes with the intense look his delivered, he wanted to ensure she understood him. “You are everything I need and want. It took me a while to realize it. You don’t have to be anyone but yourself with me. Even with the arguing, you bring a certain spark to my life that I have never had before.”

  He urged her to stand and directed her to sit across his lap. Noticeably stunned and excited, she made no attempt to get away from him. Devin settled Alana in snuggling her tighter into his body. His actions were evidence of how much he truly missed her.
He whispered through her hair, “I miss you so much Alana, it literally hurts.”

  Closing her eyes, she concentrated on calming her nerves. Allowing herself to enjoy their connection, she placed her arms around his neck and snuggled into his masculine form. It was too late to hide feelings. It seemed her body automatically knew what to do although her mind continued to hold on to reluctance. Resting her face against the side of his, the low trimmed hairs of his beard tickling her skin was a welcomed sensation she realized she enjoyed.

  Finally relaxing, her body melted, accepting how much she truly missed him. Taking a deep and satisfying breath, she folded herself deeper into his frame.

  Devin had been waiting for the moment when Alana finally let her guard down enough to show him some of her emotions. In this cherished moment, he was glad he had been patient with her. His sister, mother and father had preached patience to him where Alana was concerned and he was glad to find they had been right.

  Since he had no intention of releasing her, he relaxed into her couch. Once he had her wrapped securely in his arms, Devin took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Finally, he could breathe again.

  Moments like this with Alana reminded him that he’d never truly loved another woman. He never found himself wanting to give it his all until Alana came shoving her way into his life. He squeezed her, pulling her more securely into his arms as his chest heaved with emotions he’d never experienced before.

  As a couple, they had journeyed a long way in their relationship and Devin prayed this was the start he had been hoping for.