AngerArrogance Page 7
Seeing her in this light gave Devin another perspective to add to the mysteries surrounding his wife. Sorrow flooded his heart as he watched her cross herself and talk to the two headstones. Too far away to make out her words, her facial expression, even from afar, saddened him.
He found it a strange thing to witness, but above all, it was one of the saddest things he had seen in a while. Not believing his own actions, he took a seat on a Mr. Marcus Glover’s headstone. For some reason, he became compelled to sit and watch her.
Devin’s attention shifted to a man in a black suit standing afar. Weird, the man didn’t seem to be visiting a grave. He seemed far more interested in watching Alana. The more Devin looked at the man, the more his concern grew. The story she had told of the priest she encountered near her job was creepy. Could this be the same man? It did appear he had on a cleric’s collar. Maybe this was the danger Kevin insinuated but never actually confirmed.
To Devin’s astonishment, the man had vanished in the split second it had taken him to stand. Scanning the area cautiously, the man had literally disappeared. Devin cast his attention back on Alana. Finishing her conversation, she returned to her car and drove away.
After arriving home and parking in the garage, Devin sat in his car for a while. What had he witnessed? The man he’d seen bothered him, but not as much as seeing his wife filled with grief.
***
Devin stared into the knowledgeable eyes of his father as he entered his office.
“I know why you’re here son. I can tell by the look on your face and I’m surprised it took you this long to come to me again.”
Falling into one of his father’s leather chairs, Devin asked, “Dad, how could you possibly know why I’m here?”
His voice was laced with certainty. “You’ve come for information on your wife.”
Although surprised by his father’s declaration, Devin couldn’t keep a smile from his face. “That’s part of it dad, but how did you know as much?”
His dad assessed him. “I used to change your diapers. I know you better than you know yourself. You’re not the most patient creature. You know, your wife may tell you more if you’d exercise a little patience. You also have to be more sincere and caring with her.”
With a huff, Devin commented sarcastically. “Dad, really? You sound like a head doctor giving out bad advice. I have exhausted my efforts, trying everything from gifts to bargaining to making promises. Mentally, my wife is high maintenance. I’m literally running out of options and ideas. I’m at a loss with this woman. She’s done everything except shoot at me. I’m afraid she would do just that if she had a gun.”
His dad raised an eyebrow. “Well son, she has a permit and a registered gun. If I were you, I wouldn’t push too many of her buttons.”
Staring at his father horrified, he forced himself not to think about Alana having access to a gun. The image of her lining him in the crosshairs of her gun and smiling while she shot at him kept flashing though his brain.
“Son, you can’t bark orders at your wife and expect her to bow to your every request. Some women will bow and submit to your every demand, but if they do, that is likely not the woman for you. Trust me, you want a woman that will push and challenge you. It can and will make you a better and stronger man. Now, granted, you have a unique situation with Alana, but I think she will come around. Right now, things aren’t moving at the speed you want them to, but trust me, when Alana does come around, you will appreciate what you have built with her that much more.”
Devin was about to speak, but his father cut him off. “Son, your mother and I have probably had more conversations with your wife than you have. She is your woman. You have to watch and pay attention to her. Find out what she need and provide it for her. Find out what she may like and get it for her. Find out her wants and fulfill them before she asks. If asking her things isn’t getting you the answers you want from her, there are many ways you can go about getting answers from your wife.”
A short pause gave Devin time to think about what his father had spoken about so far.
“Son, I’ve seen you solve business deals that I thought were unsalvageable, things complex beyond my comprehension. Apply some of that perseverance to your wife. I bet you didn’t know she attends book club meetings with her friends. She eats breakfast with me and your mother and often sits and has regular talks with us. We have intriguing conversations about goals, dreams and what’s happening in each other’s lives. She told us how you came pushing into her room after a month of ignoring her and demanded she go out with you. She even mentioned giving you a good tongue lashing for doing so.”
The pins holding the top of Devin’s jaw to the bottom had fallen out. His mouth had swung wide open. “She does talk to you guys. I’ll admit, the first time I approached her, I was a bit arrogant and demanding, but I think I have changed my ways since. I’m nicer and calmer now when I approach her, but she remains distant. I seem to always be just out of reach of her.”
Devin had gotten a few glimpses of the beautiful person Alana kept hidden and he wanted to see more. “Was she as mean to you and mom as she was to me when you first met her?”
Devin was willing to bet his father liked seeing him bemused. “No, son. If you had stuck around during the first month of your marriage, instead of running around with your girlfriend, you would have learned that your wife is a smart and outgoing woman. I can’t say I understand how frustrating it must be to one day find yourself married to a stranger, but I know you trust me and your mom enough to know we wouldn’t do anything that would hurt or damage you in any way. It’s why we never bothered you about being married and carrying on with your girlfriend.”
Devin thought his father made an excellent point, but still he provided no clear answers. “Dad, I understand that you and Mom wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. It’s the reason I went along with this arrangement. I was hoping for more of an explanation. The longer I stay married; I find myself wondering why we got married in the first place. I want us to have at least a clue as to why we were brought together so abruptly. And neither of us believes any more that it’s about politics.”
He contemplated his next words. “She wouldn’t have been my logical choice for a wife, but now, I don’t know. I think she is starting to grow on me or something.” His head twitched a little, not believing what he’d admitted.
The return of his father's voice was welcomed. “Yes, political reasoning is a part of why you married Alana. But, I won't tell you what you don't need to know and neither will Kevin. I know you contacted your cousin. I am sure he will find you some answers, but he will tell you only what you need to know. Knowing can get you and Alana hurt or killed. This whole thing is something that has to work itself out in its own time. I can save your cousin the trouble of searching for answers, but there are a few questions that even I need answers to.”
Pausing, his father asked, “Son, do you understand what I’m saying?”
He searched his father's eyes for answers. “You know some, maybe even most, but Kevin can find out more. You have the power to stop Kevin from giving us answers, but you won’t because you know he’ll tell us only what we need to know and find answers to the things you may not know yet.”
“You have always been such a smart man,” Came his father's reply. “Now, what’s this about your wife starting to grow on you? You’re starting to care about her, aren’t you?”
Noticing his father’s quick change in subject, Devin had no intention of leaving without some of the answers he wanted. He did, however, consider his father’s last question.
“You know dad, at first I thought she was crazy, mean and vicious like a rabid dog. Now, I’m starting to see that there is a lot more to her than meets the eye. I can’t help but think that she is only acting mean as a way of protecting herself. It seems she doesn't realize she doesn't need protecting, especially not from me.”
Taking a moment to think, Devin rubbed the back of his neck a
nd shrugged his shoulders.
Concern kept a small scowl on his face. “I wanted to know why she was so mean. What could’ve happened to her to make her so unkind? She’s like a fire ant, but every once in a while I get a flash of sincerity and kindness. There seems to be a sweet and delicate person trapped under all that anger. It’s that side of her that intrigues me.”
Hiding a smile, he realized he liked her feisty side for reasons he wouldn’t admit to his father.
“Dad, I was curious today and followed her. I thought she was cheating on me. I let my stupid ego do the thinking and found her attending classes and visiting her mother and brother’s graves. After today, I’m more curious than ever and it’s one of the reasons I came to you. You know a lot more about her than I do. What can you tell me?” Pausing, he gave his father a stern look. “Please Dad, can you spare me the speech of not knowing being better for me?”
His father stared at him for a long while before he spoke. “Whatever I tell you in this room will remain in this room." He didn't speak again until Devin acknowledged his statement. "I had to unlock sealed documents and pay people off to get this information.”
His father secured his office door and walked back to his desk. “Son, life brings some people harsh realities and deals some of us horrible hands. There is a possibility your wife may never completely trust you, simply because you’re a man.”
Devin had no idea where his father’s story was going, but he kept quiet and listened.
“Before your mom and I agreed to allow you to marry this young lady, we had her background thoroughly checked. She doesn’t have a criminal past, but has faced a rough patch.”
Devin acknowledged with a head nod.
His father continued, “Alana was in a highly abusive relationship. I am talking broken bones and multiple hospital visits. It went on for years before she got out, and she didn’t get out the traditional way by leaving. She spent a month in a psychiatric ward for attempted suicide. The abuse became so severe she’d accepted death as her only way out.”
Devin didn’t know what to say. He stared at his father stunned while being handed five Polaroid’s.
Questioning his father with a look, Devin wondered if he should take the photos. The haunting glint in his father’s expression was a clear indication that he should proceed with caution. Grudgingly, Devin reached for the photos.
His father warned, “Son, they are graphic, but it will help you better understand why Alana is so guarded and mean as you say. Her father discovered her near death three years ago, overdosed on sleeping pills. He blames himself. As an officer of the law, he believed he should have been her protector. He couldn’t accept the fact that he hadn’t noticed anything amiss for three long years as she suffered at the hands of a man he prepared to call son-in-law.”
Looking at the first photo, Devin’s mind couldn’t quite process or believe what he saw. He didn’t recognize the woman in the picture as the woman he'd married. Her eyes were so dead and hollow that it reminded him of one of those television specials that showed snap shots of extremely abused animals.
It took him a while to get past her eyes to find her face covered in contusions and bruises. Her face bore a resemblance to redden raw meat. He found it difficult to imagine the beautiful face he saw nearly every day had been through this much trauma. One side of her face was swollen so severely it appeared lopsided.
“Why would someone do this to her? Why would any man do this to a woman? When was this? Where is the animal that did this to her?”
Struggling to take in the first photo, Devin realized his father had been right. Alana may never trust him.
Hands shaking now, Devin flipped to the next photo. Looking at a below the neck shot disturbed Devin so immensely he lost his strength to sorrow. The sting of tears brought forth anger towards the monster responsible for this brutal act. The thought of Alana going through this level of abuse for years was almost as unthinkable as the abuse itself.
In the photo, she was lying on her side facing the camera. Torn and tortured flesh painted her body in hues of colors that didn’t match her own. A bone below her stomach was tilted in an unnatural angle. Frowning at the picture, Devin noticed that the white of what must have been her pelvic bone had slightly broken through her skin. Swallowing rapidly was the only thing that kept him from throwing up. She had as many bruises covering her body as was on her face.
His father voice broke through the torturing of his mind. “She never told her dad or anyone of her abuse. She may have been too afraid or too ashamed. I have no idea how she kept such graphic injuries hidden.”
Devin heard sorrow in his father's voice. “Son, you’re going to have to devote a lot of time if you want to develop a lasting relationship with your wife. She has had a broken pelvic bone, multiple broken ribs, jaw, arm and wrist. She had to have her right jaw reconstructed through multiple surgeries and months of therapy taught her how to move her mouth properly.”
Gazing into space, Devin shook his head and bit into his bottom lip to keep from falling apart. The pictures dangled in his unsteady hands threatening to fall to the floor. His father retrieved them.
Staring absently at his father, Devin didn’t want to believe what he had seen.
His father voice broke through his torment once more. "When her father found out she would survive her suicide attempt, he found her abuser, promptly beat him and demanded he be locked in prison. Since her father is FBI, he had everything connected to Alana’s abuse sealed.”
At this point, Devin didn’t know what to say. Alana had apparently recovered physically, but he wondered about her mental state.
Devin failed to shake off the effects of those horrific images of Alana that would haunt him for a lifetime. “I don’t know what to say. How am I supposed to keep something like this to myself? When I look at her, the abuse is what I’ll see and think about.” Fighting his mounting grief, Devin found he'd lost the battle. “You know dad, it doesn’t matter what she did to him, big or small—you don’t do something like that to another human being, especially not a woman. How am I supposed to act around her now?”
Dropping his head in defeat, Devin’s cracked voice dragged on. “I think I have a better understanding of why you and mom keep certain things from me and Jessie.” Jessica, ‘Jessie’ was Devin’s younger sister. She was away at college studying to become a doctor.
He wanted to scream in anger about the terror his wife had faced. “This is one of the most horrible things I know.”
Letting his face rest in his hands, Devin’s body slumped forward. “I can’t believe this. Now that I know this, I wish that I didn’t.” The queasiness in his stomach kept a frown on his face. “I’m going to my room.”
His father's authoritative voice stopped him before he opened the door. “Son, no one, not even your mother can know I shared this with you.”
Looking back at his father, Devin assured, “You have my word dad.”
“Son, you can’t treat your wife like she is broken. She will not accept pity or sorrow from any of us.”
Inclining his head, Devin exited. He had a better understanding of his wife’s attitude and why she acted the way she did. She likely viewed all men as monsters which explained her temperament with him. He had to find a way to suffocate his sorrow or risk losing the tiny parts of her he’d been struggling to gather. His worse fear was that he’d never form a more meaningful connection with Alana.
Concentrating on the fiery Alana he knew, he planned on letting that side of her be his guide.
***
Although he had allowed her space, Devin found that he didn’t like how subdued Alana had become. After their talk with Kevin, she had gone from being a short-fused firecracker to being as quiet as a church mouse. As hard as it was to suppress, he never mentioned or gave an inkling that he knew of her abuse. His attempts to engage her in conversation wasn’t working nor was saying things he knew would set her off. She would nod, fake a smile and let h
is smart comments slide. This was not the wife that he had come to know.
When an entire week had gone by and Alana hadn’t made one attempt to curse at him, Devin brainstormed ways to provoke her. He missed her. It had taken him a while to realize he’d connected with her fiery personality before he even understood it.
Sitting on the side of her bed, he watched her while she watched television. Turning towards her, he blurted, “I don’t like this Alana. This new you isn’t working for me. As much as I hate to admit it, I like the short-fused, firecracker, wasp, fire ant, witch riding a broom, cursing version of you much better.”
Hearing her giggle was the best sound he had heard in a long time. She had the nerve to ask, “Was I really that bad?”
He sighed playfully while shaking his head. “Yes, you were. I was shocked by your behavior. No one had cursed at me like that before. So abusive, so file and brutal. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do or say. I believed I was on the verge of becoming an abused husband.”
She laughed harder. “Serves you right for thinking you can always have your way.”
Knowing that he was the one making her smile held meaning for Devin. “A few times I thought you were going to beat the hell out of me. The first night you pushed me out of your door, I had to go back to my room and think about what had happened. I tried to convince myself that I had dreamed the whole thing.”
Her smile grew serious. "I know that none of my problems, past or present, are your fault but your arrogance provoked me. I had eaten so much anger for so long, that when I had the chance to release it, I did. I am not that angry anymore. Now, I am lost. I have no idea who I am anymore.”